Sunday Scribbling #170: Human
Walked Pastin front of dozens
fully suited
'Lonzo was gone
Misty was gone
Adolfo too
Chief Bill said it was shortly before
9, gunman entered
walked past before firing
'Dolfo was struck
Misty was shot
'Lonzo was speeding and swerving
cell phone to his ear
gun to his head
50 converged
it was marital strife
wife of less than 2 weeks
'Lonzo relentlessly calling
convinced
relentlessly calling
convinced
relentlessly laid low
Said sis:
He took her life cuz he couldn't have her
Met in Katy
married in June
dreams of annulment
carried her doom
harsh and heinous
sez sister Roxann
in the Dollar Gen
at the Lancaster flats
spilling with more
& that was that.
Labels: blood on the tracks
posted by murat11 at 9:42 AM
28 Comments:
Lawd, too tight stretch pants over too wide hips, yelling at the screaming baby in the buggy "shut up Billy Joe or I'll whip your ass! Now where was I, Oh Ya, I saw the whole thing, Couldn't believe it. I've known him all my life - know all his family. This'll kill his ma. He was a good Christian man. I just can't believe he did this! It was that heifer Misty. she just made him lose his mind."
Awesome. It'll end up on Jerry Springer for sure.
Dee: Had steered clear of Starbucks all summer, crashed in there on Thursday, and this story was splashed all over the front page and innards of the SA Express-News. Reason #1 I do not read the local paper, and probably New Reason #1 I should continue to give SB a wide berth. It stuck in my craw, in the shadows of all the Governor Mark/María Belén Chapur hoopla. A sad sad mess this was, of Alonzo, Misty Dawn, and Adolfo. The poem is more cut and dried than I feel.
I often have to ask questions in a conversation because I mostly avoid news altogether. It either pisses me off or depresses me. I'd prefer to continue to exist in a blissfully ignorant state where I don't have to have the present ignorant, self-involved, mean-spirited, amoral state of humanity in my face. It's why I prefer fiction.
Cut and dried is good. We shouldn't dress it up. It should be black and white and what it is. If it isn't easy to swallow maybe people will stay away from the table that serves it.
Dee: Same choir, we are. Mentor Thoreau wrote, you've read of one war, you've read of them all. I'm not as clean in my abstinence as he, my infernal curiosity carries everywhere, but I do not really make a point of trying to keep up. I figure, and haven't been proven wrong yet, that if I really need to know, it will find me. Plenty that I don't need, finds me yet. It's also why I haven't worn a watch for about fifteen years. Don't have a cell phone, so I can't flip open the time either.
Sorry to hear that these were people in your town who you knew, Murat. It's a powerful poem.
Teresa: I didn't know them, but I know the part of town where the killing was, and for whatever reason, their deaths just got under my skin, the sadness and desperation of it all. I knew I had to write something about it. I had intended something more like a prayer; this seems less so.
That's hard to say. Isn't prayer heartfelt emotion directed at the Almighty? I'd say you managed that.
Teresa: I did think of it as akin to one of the darker, lamenting psalms.
it was powerful whatever you label it as.
AMIWR: Am I ever glad you woke up from your nap. World can never have enuff mouthy ones.
Now that's a hard story, and a sad one, too. Fine poem, though, with its swerving and converging, relentlessly harsh and heinous, finding doom in June. Like the mouthy Irish woman said, it's powerful however you label it.
Good to hear from you, Ms Anno: Happy 4th: I hope your weather is cooperating.
my God that was punching! and powerful!
Happy SS
Nostalgic Human
Thank you, AD.
How very sad! Too many lives are lost in this manner. All the reason, we SHOULD continue to pay attention to the news and NOT ignore it. Getting pissed off is a good thing. Too many people are pissed off over stupid things.
wow wow, such an amazing rhythm in this piece!
Larraine: Thanks for visiting. I agree with you that domestic violence should not be ignored, but I'm not convinced that the news is the only way one can stay attuned to it. We all know that it exists: yes, we need awareness, we need support and enforcement, we need prayer, and we need people consciously building families without violence.
Tammie: I guess I was looking for a rhythm that was relentless and merciless in its drive to the last line.
So tragic...you evoked the sad reality of this poem in a powerful way. There are too many stories like this in the news anymore.
whoa.
Fledgling: As I've mentioned before, I was a little concerned that this poem was too cut and dried, perhaps even too glib and dispassionate. Thank you for your words.
QB: nelly.
This blew me away, the feeling of despair, the yearning, the way you constructed this tight package. Goodness.
Finality
ThomG: Thank you for stopping by and thank you for your comments. This thing obviously pulled on me, stoking for a couple of days. Anything more fully "developed" would have washed out, in my hands: it had to be tight.
Perhaps a bit cynical to be a prayer. Another piece of truth stranger than. And what a pathetically violent lot we humans are! I liked the way you dumped this hard and cold, like a stack of bricks, on the reader. Very effective, bro.
I hear you, Michael, though cynicism is probably this narrator's well-honed defense against prayer. I didn't know the three who are dead, but I do know, albeit obliquely, one of the reporters who covered the story: his name jumped out at me as much as the story itself: wondered about the impact upon him and his co-writer.
This was blunt and tense and to the point. I'm so glad I found it. This is what poets do, peel away all the excess and give a sharp quick look at the heart of a thing, pretty or not. You did a great job.
Nara Malone: Thank you for your words and visit. I'm usually not the least bit concerned about the pieces I put out here on display: this not-sureness was a rarity. It's been very interesting and helpful to read people's responses.
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