[More Than Eyes]
i.
She needs the forbidden honey flakes we will never have. White petals, white underside, he wondered if he had ever. They rambled, carrying her blue, the trains distant and littering. Across the river.
Her husband will miss the answers—not today, not the line, more than eyes.
I have answers.
In the twilight, I should be my father carving.
ii.
They rambled, the blue trains distant and glittering. Not today, my husband—I have answers.
Had he ever, the eyes across the river, my twilit father?
iii.
Distance glittering: my father, white river, blue honey.
iv.
Carve the distance, miss my father.
v.
Ramble blue, more than trains.
vi.
More blue.
vii.
Honey.
She needs the forbidden honey flakes we will never have. White petals, white underside, he wondered if he had ever. They rambled, carrying her blue, the trains distant and littering. Across the river.
Her husband will miss the answers—not today, not the line, more than eyes.
I have answers.
In the twilight, I should be my father carving.
ii.
They rambled, the blue trains distant and glittering. Not today, my husband—I have answers.
Had he ever, the eyes across the river, my twilit father?
iii.
Distance glittering: my father, white river, blue honey.
iv.
Carve the distance, miss my father.
v.
Ramble blue, more than trains.
vi.
More blue.
vii.
Honey.
Labels: ruthann friedman, sassafras, tandyn almer
posted by murat11 at 6:59 PM
2 Comments:
This is beautiful. There's a gentleness to this that I really like. This one I could fall into, wanting and not wanting to get to the end.
This is probably best thought of as a collaboration: an exercise I did this past week with some of my classes. I grabbed a bunch of "sudden fiction" excerpts and then asked my students to just grab words and phrases that caught their eyes and then reconfigure them like word collages. Even my slackers loved the assignment and came up with some beautiful work. Just another way to generate a word pool and then work from there.
"More Than Eyes" was one of my two, in the classroom quiet, at the end of the day.
Thanks for your words.
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