bekezdés

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Cupressaceae Your Face!

Start with a windfall of fuzz. To that, mix in a generous helping of sand. Following that, pour in liberal—by no means conservative—amounts of toxic nuclear waste. Naturally, all of this should be mixed together in a bright, cherry red Pyrex mixing bowl. Use a wooden spoon for mixing, unless your supervising parent or guardian insists on plastic. If pressed to use the latter, curse gently under your breath, promise to do better by the children who will some day be in your charge, but by no means should you use wooden spoonlessness as an opportunity for disobedience, civil or otherwise. Once your ingredients are blended, you will need a half-inch drill bit. You see where we’re going here, don’t you? The elegantly coiffed among you might prefer the word “trepanning,” but why dissemble with such fancy words—we’re drilling holes in skulls here, my friends. Once you’ve opened that hard noggin of yours, pour your concoction into the skull portal, being careful not to spill its contents on your forehead. Burning will result, and bitter words can follow. If a green plastic Ace Hardware funnel is of help to you, then by all means find and use one. Re-stopper that skull hole with its very own skull-cork, and shake that head of yours around with maniacal glee. Once you’ve settled into a dull-eyed glaze, you will see what it feels and looks like to have your frontal lobes filled with the effusive winter bounty of cedar sludge, compliments of those diabolically reproducing juniper “weeds” of the Texas Hill Country. Rave on, mes ami, rave on.