Monday, January 25, 2010

bekezdés

More paragraphing.

Cupressaceae Your Face!

Start with a windfall of fuzz. To that, mix in a generous helping of sand. Following that, pour in liberal—by no means conservative—amounts of toxic nuclear waste. Naturally, all of this should be mixed together in a bright, cherry red Pyrex mixing bowl. Use a wooden spoon for mixing, unless your supervising parent or guardian insists on plastic. If pressed to use the latter, curse gently under your breath, promise to do better by the children who will some day be in your charge, but by no means should you use wooden spoonlessness as an opportunity for disobedience, civil or otherwise. Once your ingredients are blended, you will need a half-inch drill bit. You see where we’re going here, don’t you? The elegantly coiffed among you might prefer the word “trepanning,” but why dissemble with such fancy words—we’re drilling holes in skulls here, my friends. Once you’ve opened that hard noggin of yours, pour your concoction into the skull portal, being careful not to spill its contents on your forehead. Burning will result, and bitter words can follow. If a green plastic Ace Hardware funnel is of help to you, then by all means find and use one. Re-stopper that skull hole with its very own skull-cork, and shake that head of yours around with maniacal glee. Once you’ve settled into a dull-eyed glaze, you will see what it feels and looks like to have your frontal lobes filled with the effusive winter bounty of cedar sludge, compliments of those diabolically reproducing juniper “weeds” of the Texas Hill Country. Rave on, mes ami, rave on.

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14 Comments:

Blogger Teresa said...

Funnel cakes, indeed. It sounds like you've been hitting the brandy-soaked fruit cakes left over from Christmas three years ago that have fermented thrice over and grown some psylisibin mushrooms on the side.

Really psychedelic paragraph, bro. Genius burns!

5:28 PM  
Blogger Dee Martin said...

weirdly, this is one of the most delightful things I have read in awhile. I'm grinning ear to non burrholey skulled ear as I mentally inventory the kitchen cabinets, Cherry red Pyrex bowl, check.....

7:22 PM  
Blogger anno said...

Oh dear, allergy season again. Here's hoping it passes quickly.

8:14 PM  
Blogger murat11 said...

Anno: Going on a vestry retreat in the middle of the Texas Hill (for now, Cedar Hell) Country this past weekend was more than any little vestreen should have to do. Here's hoping, for sure...

8:59 PM  
Blogger murat11 said...

Teresa: I wish! More like just the dementia induced by Boschian cedar fever. Fever of the damned.

9:06 PM  
Blogger murat11 said...

Sister Dee, I am happy that art can still transform mucusoid pain. Happier to know that there are indeed cherry red mixing bowls: I thought that might be pushing the fictive envelope.

9:08 PM  
Blogger Teresa said...

I guess I do not know what cedar fever is; I do know what allergies are. But your description was so upbeat, I thought there must be some powerful meds going on in there, too.

11:30 PM  
Blogger murat11 said...

Teresa: From the sounds of past descriptions of your allergies, I'd say you know exactly what cedar fever is. The words were medicinal for sure, though, and this morning the world seems less fuzzy. The cedar blast this year seems particularly potent; people I ordinarily do not see suffering are walking around with the tell-tale signs.

6:02 AM  
Blogger Dee Martin said...

didn't mean to seem unsympathetic to the allergies LOL I just loved the way you described it and yes there is a cherry red bowl. It is part of a set of mixing bowls just like my mama had. Hope you are recovering.

6:23 AM  
Blogger murat11 said...

Dee: I did not read you as unsympathetic in the least. And the cherry red bowls, well now, the day is made.

10:25 AM  
Anonymous Richard said...

rave on your own self - that was wonderful!

2:00 AM  
Blogger murat11 said...

Glad you enjoyed it, Richard.

5:39 AM  
Blogger Teresa said...

My grandmothers both had nested sets of bowls with a cherry red one in there that was just right for making cookie dough!! My favorite to be sure. I thought your momma must have had one, Murat. Surely you knew that only good things come out of a cherry red mixing bowl!!

8:26 PM  
Blogger murat11 said...

Um, Sister Teresa, can't say as she, um, did. Though I'm sure she shoulda.

10:22 PM  

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