Tuesday, June 23, 2009

one word: track

Following Dee's trail at One Word.

track the what of the how of why, this was her curse, she didn't ask, she didn't know, she ever wondered and then there was loss, the trail of a glimmer down the trail, down the nose of knowing, down the egress to hell's hellish hounds. This will be your murmuring heart, mind, they said, and that was the saunter that left her heart wracked with oblivion. will this dream never alter, never end, never lay down its only weapons: this you wonder ever into the dark of your darkest dark.

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14 Comments:

Anonymous Teresa said...

Very deep, Murat. I like "track the what of the how of the why, this was her curse" and "this you wonder ever into the dark of your darkest dark." I'm wondering if there isn't a stronger word for that last dark?

Teresa

4:38 PM  
Blogger murat11 said...

Thank you, Teresa, Likely there is a stronger dark than dark, though I am a fiend for repetitions, not to mention being under the one minute one word gun. Write, not think, is the mantra.

Any suggestions come to mind?

4:46 PM  
Blogger Teresa said...

Well, I thought of night, but realized that there are some darks which are not just "nights". Either that or change it to "this you wonder ever into the inky darkness of your darkest dark." That gives you repetition but variation of form, and "inky" intensifies the darkness.

I followed the link and noticed you had 60 seconds to crank this out. I am impressed.

7:40 PM  
Blogger murat11 said...

Teresa: Thanks for playing along. I'd go with night over inky, for sound alone, realizing, of course, that sound is as subjective as repetition can be. Night, with one syllable and a consonant ending, gives a finality. Inky opens, while at the same imparting a tinkling, lighter sound for my ear.

It's fun to look at the possibilities and articulate the directions in which one's drawn.

10:33 PM  
Blogger Teresa said...

How about "into the black of your darkest dark"? or "into the blackness of your darkest dark"?

12:14 AM  
Blogger murat11 said...

Teresa: I like blackness. It opens, like inky did, but it's big in that opening. Real big. I like it.

12:23 AM  
Blogger jsd said...

not that this is what track is about, but it is what i thought while reading it: i think you've captured moments within the discernment process beautifully.

8:16 AM  
Blogger murat11 said...

jsd: That's very cool; I'm glad that it found some parallel for you.

8:52 AM  
Blogger Dee Martin said...

I've been in this place, maybe not what you were saying but what I was hearing. Not there now praise God, but this made me think of an emotional black hole that sucks all life and light from you - despair. This one got me.

10:35 PM  
Blogger murat11 said...

Dee: Not there now either, but a place we all have known. Thank you for your visit.

5:08 AM  
Blogger MichaelO said...

In 60 seconds or less the muratenous-dozen-less-one leaps Acapulco-like off the cliff and into the deep end. While us lesser-flounders are left with our toesies in the shallows singing "..chuck me in the shallow waters, before I get too......deep"

2:23 PM  
Blogger murat11 said...

Dude: At least you got through "surf," and admirably/amiably, too. I think I retired after my unpublished nosedive on that one yesterday. This racing for the clock no me gusta. Thought I was on $25,000 Pyramid (chump change, these daze) with good old Dick.

Reading through the other sprinters, I found that I liked the pithy few-worders best. Maybe, I'll dial it down and give that a go...

3:23 PM  
Blogger MichaelO said...

I hear you. It's not much time to conjure. I was feeling a little pressured to. I had SAT nightmares afterward.

One thing about surf. It was honest. I was on the beach today. No margaritas, but I did have a couple Yuenglings on ice. That's all I need, all summer long, hermano!

9:38 PM  
Blogger murat11 said...

Miguel: Good on you for the beach. We were all in the towering cypress shade at San Pedro Springs Pool, usually a cool enough place to soak, but the inferno has warmed the water up to just short of tepid bath. Yikes!

Keep swimming in that canteen, 'mano.

12:14 AM  

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