It's a Wonderful Life (100 Ways)

I'm following in Sister San's footsteps, impressionable meme-ist that I am. Be forewarned, as forewarned was I, that this meme is longer than William Jefferson Clinton's keynote address at the 1988 Dukakoid Convention. If you're not meme-ically dependent, consider yourself blessed. Instructions: you cuts and pastes the items, bold the ones you "accomplished," and insert pithy comments whenever moved to do so. Since my bolding does not always show up on this wall, I'll use a different color from this blue for the done thats. Without further ado, since this will be ado aplenty:

001. Started my own blog. I've started five: one that I did with my adult ed students before I found my way to the Instituto; Arden's Quadberry, my first solo (it's on the blog roll); Daybook, an intentionally spare blog meant for the unsecular side of things (it, too, is on the blog roll); this blog, into I which I decided to roll all my selves (I like the black wall) except one, who works underground at yet another blog (consider yourselves lucky to have been spared his ego and taste in music).

002. Slept under the stars. Most notably, on the Greek island of Sifnos, with friend Steph, the wind blowing Saharas of sand up our asses. We moved from the beach to the refectory of a Greek monastery the next two nights; on our last night, we were granted our own monk cells - the wind still blew sand up our asses.

003. Played in a band. All American adolescent boys have played in a band - many bands, in fact. We are all air-guitarists and air-drummists supreme. I'm sure you all enjoyed my guitar solo on Cream's "Badge." And you thought that was George Harrison.

004. Visited Hawaii. I once held Michener's book of the same name. I declined to read it. Too heavy.

005. Watched a meteor shower. 2 o'clock in the morning, beside the Ross Barnett Reservoir (better known as the former Pearl River), with Mr. and Mrs. Baby. That one's still running in my head.

006. Given more than I can afford to charity. I don't like the sound of this one: it sounds like an IRS trick question.

007. Been to DisneyWorld/Land. Hope never to. Plan never to. Call me what you will.

008. Climbed a mountain. Though not a mountain, per se, I must include the pink granite bald dome of Enchanted Rock in the Texas hill country, for sheer awesomeness. I've climbed aplenty in Vermont, New Hampshire, Virginia, New Mexico, Washington, Oregon, and Montana.

009. Held a praying mantis. Held a tarantula.

010. Sung a solo. I was about to make a dismissive remark about shower soloing, but I'd forgotten about my days as a schooner chrooner in the seventh grade. Nuff said. I still sing solo behind the wheel all the time, just not in a sailor costume.

011. Bungee jumped. I detest wedgies. (Old schoolers call them Melvins.)

012. Visited Paris. And?

013. Watched lightning at sea. I'm assuming while at sea myself is the intent here. No.

014. Taught myself an art from scratch. Poetry and fiction.

015. Adopted a child. Adopted Blue the WonderDog, when he was abandoned here in the neighborhood. Adopted Lucia the blue Neapolitan mastiff in New Orleans. Have a thing for blue dogs. Including George Rodrigue's.

016. Had food poisoning. This is an accomplishment? It didn't feel like one. Living again felt like one.

017. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty. I haven't even walked to the bottom of it.

018. Grown my own vegetables. Old man's chicken guano was awesome. Those were some amazing cantalopes. Okay, there were veggies, too.

019. Seen the Mona Lisa in France. Where else was I gonna see her?

020. Slept on an overnight train. Barcelona to Florence. Heaven.

021. Had a pillow fight. All the time when Mr. Baby was first Mr. Baby. He called them "poodoo fights." We still poodoo when the spirit moves.

022. Hitchhiked. Just hiked.

023. Taken a sick day when you're not ill. Sick days are for the sick. Ill days are for the ill. I take ill days.

024. Built a snow fort. Mather House, down on the River Charles, winter months 1974-1975. We graduated on to playing 4-square in the spring. Last ditch age regression.

025. Held a lamb. No, but I got the shit kicked out of my shins by a calf I was standing behind in a chute.

026. Gone skinny dipping. As many places as possible. My favorite place is the emerald green Rio Frio on the western boundary of my grandparents' ranch, though I didn't mind climbing the fence at Stacey Park Pool in Austin, after midnight. (And no, San, a hot tub does not count. It's wonderful, but it doesn't count. By that token, bathing would count.)

027. Run a marathon. Just this one.

028. Ridden in a gondola in Venice. Just in a Sky Ride gondola over the Mississippi River in New Orleans. Scared the shit out of me, though friend Steph's rocking the boat didn't help. Maniac.

029. Seen a total eclipse.

030. Watched a sunrise or a sunset. Is this meme-ist a mole or what? We used to applaud particularly spectacular sunsets out the big picture window of the Mather House dining room. Best one ever was on a trip back from New Orleans to Austin - endless sky of orange clouds, blew my eyes out, it was so magnificent.

031. Hit a home run. Only in the shower. That doesn't sound right.

032. Been on a cruise. Poor man's cruises - plenty of splendid ferry trips around the San Juan Islands.

033. Seen Niagara Falls in person. Niagara Falls is not a person. But yes, I've seen her.

034. Visited the birthplace of my ancestors. In fact, I was born there: Santa Rosa Hospital in downtown Tres Leches, same place my father was born.

035. Seen an Amish community. No, but I've seen a sunset.

036. Taught myself a new language. No, but I taught myself how to play astounding soccer while drunk out of my mind at the Piazza Duomo in Florence. My impromptu Italian teammates were amazed. That I could stand up, probably.

037. Had enough money to be satisfied. Yes, and I've had enough not to be satisfied, too.

Oops. Seems this meme skips from 37 to 40. It is a wonderful life!!

040. Seen Michelangelo's David. Seen Donatello's, too. But, the gelato in Florence was equally stunning. Not to mention the soccer. (And the red overalls.)

041. Sung karaoke. I will only do this in one of the Disney-opias.

042. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt. No, but i've seen Dom Perignon erupt. And then did I.

043. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant. The Benedictines have broken into this meme.

044. Visited Africa. I seem to be on a roll here: let's see how long the blue ink lasts.

045. Walked on a beach by moonlight. And I had deep thoughts all the while, Diana Krall playing in the background, dancing in my moo-moo.

046. Been transported in an ambulance.

047. Had my portrait painted. Twice. Check my profile picture; that's one. The other, I should have had more pants on.

048. Gone deep sea fishing. They wouldn't let me on in my moo-moo.

049. Been to the Sistine Chapel in person. How else are you going to "be to" the Sistine,if not "in person"? They were electing a pope the first time I sauntered over.

050. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris. I've been to the bottom. In person. I've also been to the restaurant in New Orleans that was built out of material from the Eiffel. Again, amazingly, in person.

051. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling. I live a sheltered life. Just call me Marcel.

052. KIssed in the rain. I see Hallmark has now arrived. I've also reigned in the kisses on occasion, too.

053. Played in the mud. Slung it, too.

054. Gone to a drive-in theater. I'm 55 years old; of course, I've gone to a drive-in. Sadly, the Mission 4, the last to go here in Tres Leches, has done and went.

055. Been in a movie. Several. The film classes at the Instituto are thriving. I'm usually called on to play authority figures who say things I would never say. It's hard to find my motivation, at times. I'm a method actor.

056. Visited the Great Wall of China. Not even in person. Though I was a weekly regular at the Great Wall restaurant in Metairie. Awesome pot stickers. Vodka tonics weren't bad, either.

057. Started a business. Private practice therapist for 20 years. Now, I practice in public at the Instituto.

058. Taken a martial arts class. Tai chi, though I never got to the swords.

059. Visited Russia. Just the Russian tea room in Boston. Does living in Moscow, Idaho for six months count?

060. Served at a soup kitchen.

061. Sold Girl Scout cookies. Overqualified.

062. Gone whale watching. I've watched; they never came.

063. Got flowers for no reason. More Hallmark tendrils. Remember that day of the rainkissing?

064. Donated blood, platelets, or plasma.

065. Gone sky diving. This. Ain't. Happening.

066. Visited a Nazi concentration camp site.

067. Bounced a check. With my crossover dribble.

068. Flown in a helicopter. Do you all remember the Moose credits in "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"?

069. Saved a favorite childhood toy up until my late 20s. All my favorite childhood toys I got in my late 20s.

070. Visited the Lincoln Memorial. Even before Barack got there.

071. Eaten caviar. This meme-maker needs to get out more.

072. Pieced a quilt. No, but I've spied on Quilty.

073. Stood in Times Square. Amazingly, in person.

074. Toured the Everglades. Try following this meme-maker's train of thought.

075. Been fired from a job. And done some firing meself.

076. Seen the Changing of the Guard in London. Right after I was fired. You're getting the drift now, aren't you?

077. Broken a bone. Only the wishbones; I usually lose.

078. Been on a speeding motorcycle. Only a stationary one. Apparently, I was not born to be wild.

079. Seen the Grand Canyon in person. In and with person. Didn't for years because I feared it was just another tourist trap. What an idiot.

080. Published a book. You're looking at one. Self-published several poetry chapbooks. It ain't rocket science, folks.

081. Visited the Vatican.

082. Brought a brand new car. And a brand new bag.

083. Walked in Jerusalem. But, I've run in Florence, remember?

084. Had my picture in the newspaper. Talk to my publicist for copies.

085. Read the entire Bible. I've read all of Isaiah. That's more than the entire Bible, isn't it?

086. Visited the White House. Been to Sandra Cisneros' purple house, too.

087. Killed and prepared an animal for eating. Only once; I did not like the sound of those crabs.

088. Had chickenpox. Hey, live a little.

089. Saved someone's life.

090. Not known that 90 comes after 89, not 91. The meme-maker is apparently not a mathemagician.

091. Met someone famous. And they met me. It all started back in high school, with Hugh O'Brian of Wyatt Earp fame. What the hell was he doing in Jackson, Mississippi, and why the hell was I driving him to the airport?

092. Joined a book club. I assume they don't mean the Literary Guild or Quality paperback book clubs. I have joined the Sunday Scribblers and Mr. Linky!

093. Lost a loved one.

094. Had a baby. Underqualified. Mrs. Baby has.

095. Seen the Alamo in person. I live here in Tres Leches. I've seen it in all my persons.

096. Swam in the Great Salt Lake. Just a salty tub so far.

097. Been involved in a law suit. Just an Armani one.

098. Owned a cell phone. Not even in person.

099. Been stung by a bee. Face first in the cedar bush in front of the house on Contour Drive.

100. Ridden an elephant. As a matter of fact, right here at the Tres Leches zoo.

101. Just kidding. We're done.

102. Are we ever.